When it comes to human relationships, one word will always stand out if they are not to end in shambles. That is openness. I’m not saying that openness is the only component required to have a fulfilling relationship but when it gets to that stage where the relationship is already in the ground and all that’s left is to cover it with some sand, openness possesses some good resurrection power.
I believe that at the heart of openness is the realization and acceptance of the fact that it isn’t always about us and that others matter. With the advocacy for human rights in this present age, a lot of people assent to this truth mentally and verbally but unfortunately not practically. Openness is liable to several interpretations and, of course, misinterpretations but I’ll like to illustrate openness with this wonderful example.
A driver unintentionally knocked down a pedestrian with his car. When brought to the courtroom, he pleaded that it was the pedestrian’s fault and that the pedestrian was very drunk. But the impartial judge turned his attention to the driver and advised “I know the highway is meant for cars and you as a driver have every claim on the highway but always keep in mind that whether legal or not, there’ll be some interferences, make room for them.”
I’ll like to harp on the wonderful advice of this judge to further establish my point about openness. Although, you have the right to enjoy your life, time and resources in whatever manner you deem fit, you should be cognizant of the fact that others will certainly make inroads. So if you really want to keep and enjoy your peace, be open enough to give room for that.
In times of relationship crisis, there’s the propensity to make a demon of your partner but what if you were just as much the culprit as they are? Radically speaking, it takes both partners to be at fault for things to turn sour in a relationship no matter how reasonable or unreasonable their behavior is.
If a house were burnt, we would blame the fire. In fact, we would call it fire outbreak. But what brought about the fire? Maybe negligence on someone’s path notwithstanding, the fire could have been quenched. Yet we boldly call it fire outbreak and not negligence outbreak; we all don’t like the blame. Fire cannot defend itself alright- because it cannot even speak so it takes in all the blame.
But things are very different when you’re dealing with fellow man. Expect him to redirect the blame, plead innocence and even use absurd ways and means to blame others because unlike fire, he can speak for himself.
I believe blame is not always about finding who is responsible, it’s more of “where did we go wrong?” If we would encourage this thinking, the burden of weathering the relationship through the storm will not be left to one person but all will hold up their end of the burden until issues are resolved.
Ultimately, it’s easier to deal with your own shortcomings than to deal with yours plus that of others. People sometimes back out of relationships not because they want to but because they have to. Here they are taking all the blame, working it all out while the other person just derives pleasure in throwing one blame after another at them.
I’ll encourage all to take their part of the blame cake. It may be bitter and very awful but at least, you’re saving another from carrying all the burden and suffering twice as much.
Restpiration 