Restpiration

Light at the end of the tunnel

The human nature and experience still remain the issue of greatest fascination in the world today. I observe such wonders in my own life and in the life of others on daily basis.

When I say “wonders”, I’m not talking about something rare and uncommon; I’m talking about things that we experience in our day-to-day life that we so often take for granted.

Emotions like happiness, sadness and uncertainty may appear to be less glamorous to us because of how frequent we experience them.

However, when we dwell on emotions, as a subject and how they arise in us, we will most certainly regard what we feel in a different light. Like enthusiasts beholding the masterpiece of a maestro, we will be in ecstatic awe.

Just like we expect the sun to rise, we can expect to see light even in our darkest hours

One encounter that always stands out in my pool of memories is when I sat with a colleague during our lunch break on one hot afternoon.

It looked like she was well into her second trimester and was getting ready for her maternity leave. Since that was obvious, I didn’t see the need for us to have any conversation on pregnancy or more specifically, her pregnancy.

We talked a little about politics, the economy and our institution. Before I knew what was going on, we were talking about families and babies which paved the way for a very emotionally triggered conversation on pregnancy and motherhood.

She shared with me how that she lost her beautiful baby girl who was just 6 months old. Although this incident happened some two years ago, it was fresh in her memory and she shed fresh tears as she recounted the circumstance that surrounded her death.

I felt trapped and a little useless as I sat listening to her story and watching her cheeks get wet with tears. I knew about the fragility of pregnant women but the condition of pregnancy coupled with grief was a lot for me to take in.

I tried cutting into her delivery from time to time in an attempt to console her and possibly change our discussion but all my attempts proved futile. In fact, every attempt I made at saving the situation only made her recall more painful memories so I decided to be a mere spectator, just listening and watching. Although that felt very uncomfortable, it was the only way I could think of.

I jolted awake when she mentioned my name and promptly followed that up with a question. Her question surprised me. She asked if I believed in a “baby world”, you know… like the one depicted in the animation movie, The Boss baby.

I chose not to answer that because I wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to say and most importantly, what she wanted to hear.

She continued talking about how she was sure that her departed baby girl would be a hair stylist in the baby world (mainly because she had curly hair). She kept imagining all sorts of things that were happening in the baby world as if it really existed. As a spectator, I had no business giving her some reality checks so I just allowed things to unfold right before my eyes.

As she recounted the happenings in the baby world, I saw her tears dry up and her eyes lit up once again. It wasn’t a big deal to me as at the time we sat together during lunch but it was right after she had left that I got the big picture of what just happened under my watch.

The best summary I could come up with was that she came as normal as everyone else, then she shed tears and when she was tired of crying, she gave herself a reason to return to an emotionally stable place. And all these happened in the space of 20 minutes.

It seems to me that just like my colleague, we all have the ability to put ourselves through all kinds of emotions through the use of our thoughts and memories.

At the same time, we also have this force of intuitiveness that helps us return to our emotionally stable self even if it means we utilize unfamiliar routes such as believing in a baby world.

This is a basic understanding I wish everyone had concerning the human experience. I wonder what this understanding would do for the youth that is struggling with depression or suicidal tendency.

This understanding will help them realize that what they are experiencing is nothing more than an emotionally triggered ride with a predetermined destination- which is a place of emotional stability.

They do not have to jump off the ride too soon or even wrestle with it…that only wears them out. All they have to do is to sit tight and enjoy the ride and in due time, hope will kick in and the seemingly parched lands will once again overflow with plenty. They will suddenly realize that they have a lot to live for and be grateful for.

How to change your past

“How to change your past”, a topic like this usually gets a lot of raised brows. The simple reason being that it is impossible or more accurately, we think it is impossible to change the past. But what if there was actually a way to change your past and you got to know of it? What would you do with such knowledge?

Just thinking about this possibility is enough an aperture for hope to trickle into our soul. Why not open the flood gates and let hope rain… no limits, no boundaries?

We can think of the past in two ways: the incidental past and the experiential past. The incidental past has to with the way events unfolded.

In the incidental past, we say hurtful things to friends, take a silly decision, miss an appointment and so on. For these things, we need a time machine to have them changed. And if you still haven’t found a time machine then it’s okay to give up on ever changing them. Let them be.

However, the experiential past opens up a lot of possibilities that we shouldn’t take for granted. It is in a state of constant change and we, through understanding, could make this change favour the course of well-being and happiness no matter how things unfolded in the past.

The past is pretty much like a dollar bill. It has no inherent value; it’s sole value is the value you attach to it. In the absence of this attached value, the dollar bill no matter the number of zeros inscribed on it will be completely meaningless to you.

You can think of the inscriptions on the bill as the incidental past. For some, the zeros might be fewer but that doesn’t make any difference. For things to be any different, then we need to focus on what makes the difference.

The experiential past is the attached value that we give to the incidental past and that’s what makes all the difference. If you’re reeling from the pain of the past, the events around the pain aren’t as important as the pain itself.

If I changed all the events of your past, you’ll still feel the pain because the pain has been internalized. But if I took the pain away (like I can😅), you’ll no longer experience it no matter how things unfolded in the past.

How much value have you attached to your past?

I listened to an interview some time ago that totally rocked my world. A renowned movie producer was asked about his regrets in life. Everyone, including me, knew that this movie producer had a shady past full of uneventful happenings. His simple answer was, “I don’t have any”.

Until that time I didn’t know any person who didn’t have any regret in one form or the other. I wondered how a man with a history like his could have no regrets in life. It was stunning how the past that looked like it was designed to hurt was now a life-giving spring of hope and faith for this man.

In case you’re wondering how practical it is to change your past then know in no uncertain terms that we, I mean all humans, experience this reality from time to time.

Sometimes it happens that we initially react unfavorably to a situation or an event in our lives, and with time when we gain some level of understanding, we grow more appreciative.

Although we don’t quite think of it that way, we’re actually changing our past. When we have such power, why then are we so scared of our past? Why then do we keep sweeping our past under the carpet?

Dear friend, your past is nothing more than a tool. Don’t allow the tool to overwhelm you. Rather, use it to create something beautiful, something that resonates with your inner beliefs.

You with me (All I ever need)

It was just around midnight when her screams hit the peak. In a community that was usually quiet even during the busy waking hours, this was unusual and a little uncomfortable if you’ll ask me. Sue was barely five months old; her only way of letting us in on what she was experiencing was through her ear-piercing screams…that too, in the middle of the night.

As peace loving as I am, I turned to her Mum who was half-awake and was probably caught between two worlds- the dream world and the world of reality.

“Just wrap your arms around her, she’ll be okay”; this was the absent-minded response I got from her.

I thought to myself how simply wrapping my arms around a baby screaming in the middle of night could be of any help in restoring her peace and mine too. I reasoned that there could be so many reasons for Sue’s discomfort.

So I turned to her poor Mum again and bombarded her with questions until she was wide awake obviously irritated by my persistent questioning.

Wrapped in her Mum’s arms, Sue gradually reduced the pitch of her scream till there was total silence. She now slept peacefully. Aside the lesson of not doubting a mother’s wisdom, this incident also presented another precious lesson that got me thinking all through the night.

A few days back I had read that babies are closest to the purest human nature there is. The reason being that unlike the rest of us who are socially conditioned and with altered originality, babies have their originality intact.

When Sue feels discomfort, she doesn’t contemplate whether it would be a good time to let out a scream or not, she just screams and she expects the whole world to attend to her immediately. After all, what does she care?

I wondered what this middle of the night incident meant and how it related to the human nature and condition. This was what I could come up with… but even before that, let me ask you these two very easy questions (if you’ll consider them as such):

Do you ever feel like you are going through so much and that no one really understands what you’re experiencing?
Do you realize how this gloomy feeling of “nobody knows” is usually resolved?

I’m no expert at handling babies and I feel it’s important for me to state that. This was just one middle of the night incident with Sue (and not with all babies in the world). So if your baby screams in the middle of the night, well…do what you’ve got to do to save the night for yourself and your baby too. All I’m aiming at is to draw some precious lessons from that single experience that I feel is true about all of us in so many ways.

That night I realized that all that Sue needed was the assurance that she wasn’t alone and that we, her family, were there for her. She just needed to feel the warmth of our love and support, nothing much- nothing special. It is amazing how little we have changed from this assurance-seeking nature over the years. The fact that all the conditioning from society couldn’t obliterate this innate nature only goes to show how it forms part of the core of our existence. Ever wondered why we as humans are referred to as social beings? I think you kind of get the big picture now.

It always blesses our heart to know that we are never alone and that there are several people who are going through what you are currently experiencing. They totally understand what it feels like to be in your shoes because they are in your shoes. Not only that, this knowledge carries in itself the power of resilience where we suddenly realize in a moment of insight “wait… if there are so many people going through what I’m going through, then perhaps it’s not a big deal as I thought it was. This cannot be my end. I can still survive, and thrive even.”

Dear friend, although it might not look or feel like it sometimes, you are never alone. You are never without companions; after all, there’s nothing new under the sun and the good book also adds that temptations you experience are common to all and sundry. Allow this knowledge to still the tempest of your soul. Dear friend, you are never alone.

He Became a Fish

He Became a Fish unites today’s traditional African society with the folklore that parents and grandparents fascinate their curious children with beside smoldering logs of fires in cold August evenings. This story entwines the supernatural with reality, and plunges the reader into the depths of a river where the metaphysical blooms and breeds beautiful life in human form.

The story is set in a local African village where Kito, the young son of a sick fisherman, takes to his father’s trade in order to feed the family and also keep his sick father on life-sustaining medication. The problem, however, is that the cause of his father’s sickness is supernatural. It can be traced back to his wife who is not human but a descendant of the river clan. Her son is a kalasona, the first hybrid of fish and man, except he knows nothing about it.

He would remain in blissful ignorance, but he tumbles on a girl while fishing at night- a girl very much like his mother. She tells him a “fish-tale” about his mother; where she came from, who she was… but he does not believe her. He thinks her story is made-up. She tries to help the sick fisherman regain his health but it’s already too late. Everything else happens so fast only the old, unnaturally gifted man seated on his verandah across the road from the fisherman’s house can say what really happened. Yet no one believes him, when he tells them that the young fisherman became a fish.

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Adrenaline issue

To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth- Pearl S. Buck

The monumental moments of life are those that are acquired during youth. Youthfulness is a time of discovery, exploration and utilization. It is life at its peak. No wonder the Bible makes mention of the renewal of youth. Amidst the explosiveness of youthfulness, it is our desire that you become motivated to be the best of you and also serve the greater good of humanity for that is what constitutes fulfillment in life.

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