Restpiration

Suicide and the Youth

A common definition of suicide is the intentional killing of oneself, or of multiple people doing so. Suicide can also be used in the figurative sense to mean any action that could lead to death although death is not the aim of the action. Growing up, I saw suicide as a mere concept- you know… something we just talk about but in practicality, far removed from reality. All that changed when during my first year in the university I heard about a colleague who had just committed suicide. I was shocked! I tried to wrap my bewildered mind around the whole issue but that left me in more shock.

More than 700 000 people die due to suicide every year. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among 15-29 year-olds.
WHO. com

This time around, the shock was because I realized how common suicide really is. It isn’t just a mere concept, it is a common practice. And by common, I don’t mean the number of people that actually succeed in committing suicide but the number of people that fantasize, so to speak, about committing suicide. I think the right word is suicide ideation. I bet that at one point in our lives, we have all entertained thoughts about suicide. Some of these thoughts may be as subtle as the “I-wish-I-never-existed” thought or more overt like the “let-me-just-end-it-all” thought. These thoughts are so prevalent during the gloomy dark days of our lives; like losing someone you love, unfulfilled expectations and so much more. Of course, no one enjoys these dark days. And what do we do to things we don’t enjoy? Normally, we either wish them away or if we can afford to, throw them away. So the question is why do people want to throw away their lives? Obviously, it’s because they don’t enjoy their lives. But why don’t they enjoy their lives? That’s what we are here to reason about.

Ever heard the saying “separating the baby from the bath water” or something similar? The main message behind this saying is about possessing the ability to differentiate or to tell how one thing is different from the other. Can you tell the difference between your legs and your hands? Yes? How about telling the difference of your mouth from your nose? I bet these are simple and straightforward. The main reason is because all these are tangible. We can see and touch our legs, hands, mouth and nose hence we know that they are in different positions on our bodies and that they are shaped differently and perform different functions. I wish that same simplicity were implicated in the intangibles, like our beliefs, concepts and perspectives but sadly, that’s hardly the case. This is because as creatures of form, humans are more conversant with the tangibles (which are basically form-like) than the intangibles of life. A common pitfall that causes a lot of people to tip over the edge of suicide is the inability to tell the difference between our lives and the circumstances of our lives.

Do you remember your first break-up? Or when you lost that close family member? It seemed your life was over. That you would forever live life with the label “the break-up guy” or “the lost a family member guy” If any of that happened to you a long time ago, you’ll find that all those labels are not true about your life today. Not that you’ve experienced a massive amnesia that has taken away all those memories. Of course, you still remember them. But the intensity of emotion and the trauma that accompanies such memories is greatly reduced. Those memories are now lighter and much more manageable. What changed? The seasons or circumstances of our lives did. Seasons are in a perpetual state of change. We can even observe that in nature. At one point, we see a big bright sky and the next moment, everything is dark and cloudy. What changed? The sky is still up there, it didn’t change. Rather, it was the weather condition that changed. We can think about our life as the sky and the weather condition as the circumstances of our lives. When nothing seems to be working, when all your dreams go unfulfilled, please know that your life is not miserable. Your life is perfectly ok. It is neutral like everyone’s life. What is miserable is just the circumstances of your life, which is bound to change anyways. Can you see the difference now? Can you mentally distinguish between your life and the circumstances of your life?

🚫 This article is an excerpt from the 7th issue of Adrenaline (the contemporary youth magazine)

In conclusion, I’ll say that we’re all in the same boat of life. Sometimes, we may feel others are sailing in yachts or some gigantic ship but that’s never the case. We all share in the human nature. Our difference isn’t anything more than the circumstances of our lives. That’s why suicide is not reserved for the rich or poor because both can commit suicide out of frustration. There is a line of the famous parade song, “Life in this world is a great struggle”, that says that “rich men envy poor men; poor men envy the rich. Therefore what is the sense in envying your neighbor?” Live your life and embrace all the challenges that come with it. Be grateful for your highs and be graceful with the lows for in that lies the secret of living.

Adrenaline October 2022🤩🎉

It’s that time again where we present readers with quality content to inform, inspire and transform. This edition’s theme is Becoming more of who you really are. Areas covered include: finances, spirituality, emotional health, health and nutrition, entrepreneurship, climate change and so much more. We created this edition with your satisfaction in mind so go on, download your free copy and have an awesome reading experience.

Credit:

Restpirant Jerome, Prince Botchway, Adwoa Sarfour Arhin, Samuel Tettey-Tawiah, Favoured_Gentile, Grace Asiamah Kesse, Hilary-Emerald Quartey, Robert Victor Allotey, Supernatural Ntem (Cover model)

Acknowledgement:

CTN technologies, TIE Conversations, roboMUA, mfwa

Dressvilla, Restpiration

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Getting along with others

In all spheres of life, we encounter people- in school, at home and anywhere else you can think of. This makes it so important that we understand others and know how to get along with them. After all, we are in this world together and if we’re ever going to pull this off, we have to help one another. Imagine the scenario where you woke up one day to find out that every human on the face of the earth had disappeared leaving you as the sole occupant of this planet (and it wasn’t rapture). If you are an extrovert, you’ll immediately feel the impact- you’ll have no one to listen to all your fascinating and exaggerated stories. On the other hand, if you’re an introvert, it would come as a relief- there’ll be no one to nag you all day. However, your joy may be cut short when you turn on the TV only to realize that there’s nothing to show because all those behind the machines are gone. With time, you’ll also notice that all the issues of food supply, electricity, pest, and animal control will fall squarely on your shoulders with no one to share the burden with. What a feeling that will be! It isn’t for nothing that our world today is so connected. Each day, new organizations, committees, and associations are birthed to foster cooperation among individuals to tackle issues of concern. The burden of living is so much that you’re impossible if you think you can do it all by yourself. Let’s take a second to eavesdrop on Jethro’s counsel to Moses, the great Jewish Leader when Moses was at a point where he thought he could lead the nation of Israel all by himself without any help.

Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” Exodus 18:17-18 (NIV)

Besides the fact that people help to alleviate the burden of living, they also contribute to our overall health. From studies, we know that supportive relationships facilitate the recovery of people from sickness and bring a sense of happiness and fulfillment into living. One of such studies conducted by researchers from Harvard University showed that it was good relationships, not the amount of money accumulated or the accolades collected that keep us happier and healthier. Oftimes, we downplay the importance of relationships and choose to conveniently sacrifice them on the altar of accomplishment and fame but we forget that more than anything, the right relationships can deliver to us all these and so much more. The right relationships can satisfy the deepest longings of your heart and serve as a cushion against the adversities of life. Relationships are in several dimensions and each plays an important role in our lives. Whereas some are self-orchestrated, others are providential. Nonetheless, good relationships ultimately serve the purpose of revealing the Heart of Our Heavenly Father to us. Let’s consider some of the most common relationships.

The Family

The family is the most basic relationship we can have. We have no choice as to who gives birth to us- it just happens, and we find ourselves wherever we are today. Since it isn’t a matter of choice, we can attribute our birth into a certain family either to the providential work of Our Loving Heavenly Father or to a biological miscalculation. Dear friend, I want you to know that you aren’t an accident. Being in your family today is part of God’s design of glory for your life. Originally, parents are gifts from your Heavenly Father to reveal to you His fatherhood and love. All through the Bible, God is portrayed as a strong caring father and a tender-hearted mother. He reveals these qualities to you, His dear child, through your earthly parents to give you a sense of belonging and to satisfy your heart’s desire for unconditional love.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; – Psalm 103: 13 (NIV)
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. – Isaiah 49:15-16 (NIV)

All too often many do not allow themselves to savour the blessings of belonging to a family. It is so easy and usually tempting especially as a youth to look beyond your family to seek emotional support and a sense of belonging from elsewhere. What if all that you have been searching for has been with you throughout all these years but you didn’t recognize it? Happiness according to C.H. Spurgeon (a well-known nineteenth-century preacher) is not measured by how much we have but by how much of it we enjoy. Even if all there is to your family is a remnant due to some circumstances- either you lost a parent or they’re divorced, you can trust God to use whatever is left of your family to bring about the satisfaction and joy of family living. If family living has turned sore for you due to abuses you suffer, trust the Lord to bypass all these abuses and hurts to reveal His fatherhood and unconditional love to you. God loves you- that’s all that matters!

Friends and colleagues

Friendship is the most dynamic of all relationships because, unlike family ties, this kind of relationship is subject to our choice. According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, there’s a limit on how many meaningful relationships the human brain can keep track of. More specifically Dunbar hypothesized that the average person can have up to 5 intimate bonds, 15 close friends, 50 friends, and 150 casual friends. People however differ in their preferences. Some like to cast their net wide and build a massive empire of friends. Others, like myself, like to have just a handful of them. Whichever way you like it, a good friendship can be of tremendous help to you socially and emotionally. Although they might not share your surname, good friends share your ideals and give you that extra support just when you need it. They also insulate you from much boredom by keeping you company. Due to the nature of the schooling system, the facts show that we are forced to spend more time with our friends and colleagues than with our family. Whereas our friends may be spread across various backgrounds, our colleagues are more specific. Our colleagues are those that we are in the same class or workspace with. Our relationship with them facilitates our productivity.

Your Superiors

You’ll always have the luxury of learning from the wealth of experience of others. Some have dedicated several years of their lives to researching and learning about a particular endeavour. These include your lecturers, supervisors, senior partners, and pastors…everyone you report to. Ideally, all of these individuals have your progress at heart therefore you can resort to them from time to time to gain some clarity whenever your path looks blurry. The common mistake that most young people make is that they feel they have to be as brilliant or as ‘spiritual’ as their superiors to sustain a meaningful relationship with them. The good news is that they were once like you and knew little of what they know now when they were like you. They will gladly help you out with any difficulty if you approach them. The truth is that anytime you approach them with any difficulty, they feel complimented because you have deemed them as resource personnel, people of value from whom you can learn a lot.

The Demon He Created (Part 4)

Was I wrong seeking revenge from the man who hurt me?
Two weeks to our second anniversary, I called my mom and told her that I wanted a divorce. She was quiet for a while- she paused, inhaled and exhaled heavily. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard so she asked me to come over to clarify things, which I did.

When I got there, my dad asked me why I wanted a divorce. I told him that I wasn’t happy and that I didn’t love Law any more.
“Marriage is not a smooth road, there will be some obstacles here and there but it doesn’t mean you should run out of it, my dear” My mom advised.

Barely holding back my tears, I responded “Mom, you don’t know what I have been through. I’ve slept on an empty stomach for several days not because there wasn’t money but my husband blatantly refused to cater for me. My face has tasted the hotness of coffee, my emotions have been played with. He cheated on many occasions but I stayed and prayed that things would change but no, he kept on pinching my bruised scar. He manipulated me with sweet words and squandered all my hard earned money in the name of securing our future. His friends made mockery songs about me. Why should I stay with such a man? He changed his conduct recently because he lost his job. I’m filled with hatred for him. He cheated on me before we got married and I forgave him because he promised it wouldn’t happen again. Mom, Dad, tell me if I should stay with such a man?”

My dad stood up and gave me a hug. I could feel he was filled with anger but he softly said “I won’t forgive him. It is better you want a divorce but why didn’t you tell us Nana? We are your parents and we will always be here for you” My mom wailed in pain “Nana, you should have told us. Marriage shouldn’t be a hell for anyone. You saw the red flag when he cheated on you. A cheat will always be a cheat. You brought this hell on yourself and you also hid it from us, why?”

I told them that I know I should have done better and I decided to keep it away from them because I didn’t want them to worry.
My parents supported me throughout the process of the divorce. Law was still pleading for forgiveness because he had realized his mistakes but my dad warned him never to show his face in our lives again.

I got myself a new apartment while I was still building my own house. Life was now sweet. Three weeks after the divorce, I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked “what will I do now? Should I abort it? I don’t want to have that monster’s seed in me” I called Jonna and told her about the new development and she asked me to tell Law since he had the right to know. I told her that I wanted to abort it but she said “That little seed growing inside you is innocent so why kill it, Nana?” Her words shot me in the right spot. I later told my parents and my mom told me to let Law know about the pregnancy. My dad was against it but my mom made him see sense aside his ego.

I told Law about the pregnancy and he was excited “I am telling you because you have the right to know but it doesn’t mean I need you in my life and if you try to force yourself into my life, I will abort it, remember this ” These were my words to him.
“Nana how can you say such a thing, where are your feelings? What has that innocent baby done to you? Please I won’t force myself into your life but let me be part of the baby’s life please” He pleaded. He did his best to care for me and the baby growing inside me. He saw in my eyes how I detested him but because of the baby I had to give him the chance to be the father he wanted to be.

We were just co-parenting, and when the day came for the baby to come to this world, he couldn’t hold his tears while he held the baby. It was a handsome baby boy. Law pleaded we got back together but the hell and trauma I went through was enough for me, I didn’t want any more of it even though he appeared to be a changed person. We were close because of our child. I finally had peace of mind.

THE END

Husband, treat your wife in the same way you want another man to treat your daughter.

The Demon He Created (Part 3)

The next day, I woke up feeling so happy that he could only stare at me and wonder who the hell I was. Perhaps, I was just the demon he created. For the very first time, I could see fear in his eyes. I dressed up and decided to look for a job. He started asking me questions but I didn’t answer any of them. When he tried to raise his voice at me, I counteracted by demanding that he spoke to me like a civilized man would speak to his wife. He was shocked!

I met Michael, an old colleague, as I went out. I took the opportunity to tell him that I needed a job badly so he took my number and assured me that he’ll let me in when any opportunity popped up. I also visited Jonna at her office and I could see how glad she was to see me. We hugged so tightly as if one was leaving town. She asked “Ah Nana I thought you ain’t allowed to visit so what happened?” I narrated everything to her and she commented “That’s my girl, where did that strong woman go that she finally realized she had to fight back, huh?”

I just told her sometimes one needs courage to fight back and she gave me that courage. Even though she didn’t say anything to me when she called, her silence said everything.
A moment later, Law’s calls came in, which I didn’t answer. A text message then followed “Answer my calls, I want to know where you are so I can come for you ” I texted back “I am not your child, get a life and stop bugging mine”
He texted back again “So you have grown wings, right? I will break them before you decide to fly” I sent a laughing emoji to him and texted “See who is talking… who the hell are you? Don’t consider yourself my husband. You’re a mistake of a husband. All these months you have seen my love and my submissiveness, now you will see the other side you poked, enjoy the ride… ” He immediately called after I sent him that message but I didn’t pick. Jonna noticed and urged me to answer his calls but I didn’t. We had a hearty conversation and for the first time in a long while I smiled and laughed genuinely.

When I got home, the “home maker” was restlessly waiting for me. I entered, greeted him and walked straight to the bed room because I was already full. He followed me and asked where his dinner was. I just chuckled and asked him “Don’t you have hands? Can’t you cook? How were you surviving when you weren’t married?” I was so angry that we had the worst verbal argument but still nothing shook me. I was becoming the demon he never wished to have had. Monsters and demons can’t stay in the same house for peace to prevail. Our home was a ring to battle words.

In a month’s time, I had a call from Michael to come to his office. Apparently, there was a vacancy. I went there and lo and behold, I got a job with a good salary. When I came home I told Law about my new job but didn’t give him details. “Now you can start saving in our joint account again” I just stared at him in amazement and exclaimed “Ain’t you funny? Do you think I am an idiot who will be tossed around because of some rubbish marriage?”
He replied “How dare you talk back at me? I am the head of this family and you will do as I say or you better go back to your father’s house”
I clapped around and told him “I am ever ready to leave this bloody house. What is left for you to do? I know all your secrets and how you misused my hard earned money on those harlots. If I leave how will you survive? How will you pay your bills? You got fired from your job because you stole a huge sum of money from your office. I read everything on your phone and you ain’t ashamed to stand in front of me to talk about being the head of this family. You need a reset memory. Instead of you to apologize and correct your mistakes you’re acting all pompous.

I left him in an amazement. I started work the following day. He woke up early to prepare me breakfast which I ignored and I told him not to act perfect because I knew he was just putting on a show. I left him to finish the food he called breakfast. Two months passed and I finally started building my own house without telling Law because the one we were in was a rented apartment. He couldn’t believe his eyes that the woman who once loved could be nothing he imagined her to be so he asked his friends to come and apologize on his behalf.

When they came, they all acted as saints. I just stared at them and smiled as they talked. I finally blurted out “Where were you and what advice did you guys give him when he was maltreating me? You didn’t give him any advice. Instead you encouraged him to continue maltreating me because that would make me scared of him. I was scared alright but not anymore. I read all the messages on your WhatsApp page where he told you how he made me go to bed hungry and you guys hailed him. Now you feel you have sense enough to advice a woman who has a turned into a demon. Keep your advice to yourself” They felt uneasy so they left.

Time passed and Law tried his best to make me love him again but it was too late for him. I had built a wall around me and the only thing I had left for him was revenge.